Maternal Instincts
by DroopyGoldfish
Summary: In the dead of the night, with no one else around, Silvia sneaks a look at her newborn daughter. Originally a one-shot, might expand later on.
1. Chapter 1

Maternal Instincts

The infants' soft cries carried across the room to the bed where Silvia was lying. She put her pillow over her head and closed her eyes, but she could still hear the muffled sound. She felt her breath become shallow and hot tears ran across her face and into her ears. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them with shaking arms, unable to control the tears.

The birth had been easy, although it took all of her self-control to not scream from the pain. The pains had started just after she had sent the replacement Duchessa out in her place and she knew it was coming to an end. She sent for Susanna and ordered a hot bath to be made while she waited for the midwife. A fire was lit and the tub moved close, so the fire would keep that water heated. She'd sat in the bath letting the hot water ease her pain as the contractions came more quickly. After a few hours, she'd allowed herself to be moved to the bed, and within twenty minutes a healthy baby girl was delivered. She barely took one look at her before ordering the midwife to get rid of her, and refused to hold her. She allowed the midwife to clean her up while she laid in a daze. When the bed had been cleaned and she'd put on fresh clothes, she lay on the bed and hadn't moved since.

Slowly, she uncurled herself and removed the pillow, rubbing her eyes as they adjusted to the soft light. She rolled onto her back and stretched gingerly. She crossed her arms behind her head, closed her eyes, and took several deep breaths, taking note of how each one entered and left her body. The child had stopped crying now, and the silence was deafening. She turned her head to the direction of the child, unable to see her in the candlelight. She hadn't wanted to see her when the midwife first held her up, but now, with no one else around, it seemed the perfect opportunity to see her before she was taken.

She held her breath and pushed herself into a sitting position, wincing as her stitches pulled slightly. She tilted her head back and counted as the pain subsided. She swung her legs off the bed and placed her feet firmly on the cold floor. With one hand on her mattress and the other gripping the top of the bedhead, and stood up. Her legs shaking and her head spinning, she leant against the bedframe. She steadied herself and crept over to the basket where the child had been laid until she could be transported in secret. She caught sight of her reflection in the mirror; already her body was recovering, and her belly, though soft from pregnancy, was only slightly round. It would be easy to conceal in the morning.

The child was asleep, curled up in her blanket. Silvia looked at her for a few minutes, taking in her chubby cheeks and her brown hair. Giving into her bodies urge to cuddle her, she gently lifted the infant up. She was barely longer than her forearm. She stirred as Silvia held her against her chest, but Silvia quickly tucked her blanket in, and she went back to sleep. Silvia carried her over to the window. The stars twinkled in the sky, and the full moon bathed the city in light. As she watched the party in the square below, she allowed herself to get immersed in memories.

It had been a full moon the night she conceived her daughter. Missing Rodolfo desperately, she'd made a trip to Padavia for the day to see him. After a private dinner, they watched the sunset from a mountain that overlooked the city. They'd made love under the stars, and burning with desire they hadn't been as careful as they usually were. A few weeks later she noticed that she'd missed her monthly cycle, and a persistent nausea made her send for a midwife. The midwife who confirmed her pregnancy was sworn to silence.

In the early days, she'd ordered Susanna to source the potion women drank to end pregnancies. Although her waiting woman followed her orders, she could never bring herself to drink it. Instead, she sent for her sister, and asked her to care for the child. At first Valeria had tried to talk her out of it. "There's no greater feeling in the world than holding your child in your arms,' she'd said, but Silvia stubbornly refuse to listen. It was too dangerous, Silvia had said. A child would be a weapon, kidnapped and used as ransom by her enemies until she bent to their will. She did not want her child to be raised in such an environment. Seeing the fear in her sister's eyes, and her fierce desire to protect her child. Valeria agreed.

The new few months passed in a blur. Silvia struggled through the sickness in the early weeks alone, with no one to hold her hair or rub her back. As her tummy grew, she hid it away, unable to rub it when the child moved within her, or show off her growing bump to the world. Instead of decorating a nursery and purchasing clothes and a cradle, she was making sure her sister had everything she would need. She closed off her heart to her child, refusing to acknowledge or bond with it.

One night, as she stared out the window, tear-stained parchment in her hands, she picked out a name for her child. Her sister had agreed to let her do that, but until this moment she had been delaying. With Rodolfo's latest letter in her hand, telling her that he would soon be finished with his studies and would be returning home for good, she made a decision she thought he'd be happy with.

She turned her focus again to her newborn daughter. "Arianna, after your grandmother."

Arianna stirred when she heard her name, and opened her eyes. Already they were same colour as Silvia's, but when Silvia looked at her daughters face she saw a pair of deep black eyes looking back at her. Rodolfo has always wanted a family, and when she told him she would never have children he'd been unable to completely hide emotions. He loved her, he'd said, and was willing to give that up for her, but Silvia had seen the hurt in his eyes as he said it. She hated hurting him, but had long since buried her feelings. Now, staring into the violet eyes of their daughter, she began to weep. She loved Rodolfo more than anything in the world, and now she had more of him. As the child curled a tiny hand around Silvia's finger, she made a decision.

"I can't do this," she whispered.

She straightened her shoulders and walked over to her desk with the infant snuggled into the crook of her arm and pulled out some paper and a quill. Quickly, she scribbled a note to Rodolfo to return to her without delay as a matter of urgency. She sealed the letter and called for Susanna. The waiting woman entered the bedchamber and her eyes grew wide as she hurried to her Mistresses wide.

'I want you to deliver this to Rodolfo immediately. There will be no rest for the rider until he is on the next boat back here. Then I need you to visit my sister. Tell her that the child was born this evening. Tell her that she is healthy. Tell her that her child died tonight during birth, and bring her to me."

Susanna rushed out of the room. Silvia nestled herself against her pillows and looked down at the sleeping baby in her arms. She stroked her cheek, took in her scent, and kissed her softly on the forehead. "You are wanted, and you are very much loved' she whispered. She sat gazing at her daughter for a long time, until she stirred and began to cry. Silvia lowered her to her breast and coaxed her to latch on. As the child fed she thought about what the future now held. Her sister would undoubtedly be upset, but Silvia was certain she would understand her change of heart. She wasn't sure yet how she was going to face Rodolfo. She just hoped that his love for their daughter would outweigh his anger at her for her hiding it from him.


	2. Chapter 2

I was home sick and decided to give part two a crack. Apologies if it doesn't make sense, I was dosed up on medicine.

Part Two: Coming Clean

A soft knock on the door woke them both up. Silvia stirred and rubbed her eyes, as Arianna made small, complaining noises. Her mother looked down at her, still nestled in her arms, and held her closer to her body. Her eyelids fluttered, but she moved her head slightly and settled back to sleep. Silvia smiled as she stretched her neck, stiff from sleeping sitting up. The soft aching of her body receded slightly as she stretched each limb, careful not to disturb the infant.

"Milady,' Susanna called softly through the door. "I have your sister waiting downstairs. Would you like me to send her in?'

"Yes, thank you" she yawned in reply. As her maids footsteps faded down the corridor, Silvia traced Arianna's full lips with her finger, taking note of her tiny, wrinkly hands, the shape of her ears. Looking at her beautiful face, Silvia

She looked up as the door opened. Susanna was standing in the doorway, with Valeria peering over her shoulder. Their eyes met, and Silvia quickly looked away. She had no idea what to say. Susanna silently retreated and Valeria closed the door behind her. For a long moment the women stayed in silence, then Valeria walked over and stood beside her sister.

'Can I hold her?' Silvia nodded silently. She loosened her grip as Valeria gently picked up the child with experienced hands. She held her against her shoulder, her head nested under her chin. Silvia gazed at her. They were so different no one would guess they were related. Valeria was gentle, and was content with her role as wife and homemaker. Silvia was stubborn, fierce, and had always had higher ambitions.

"How selfish can you be? You come to me and beg me for help, and I spend months pretending to the world that I'm pregnant and preparing for the birth. My friends are excited, my kids are excited, and now everyone is going to hate you because you were too weak to carry out your end of the bargain.' Valeria's words sliced through Silvia.

"I'm sorry,' she said softly. "I'm really sorry.' Her sobs echoed around the room. Valeria softened and she came and sat next to her on the bed. She placed Arianna back in her arms, and wrapped her arms around her sisters shoulders. She cursed herself for her harsh words.

'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I was just shocked and hurt. She's your baby and you have every right to keep her. I've just been imaging life with another child, and I was disappointed when your maid told me you changed your mind.

Silvia looked at her with red eyes. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it. I thought I'd be able too, but they left her in the room with me last night. I just had to give her a cuddle and when she looked at me I saw her father staring back at me. I love him so much Valeria, and he'd be crushed if I gave her away.' Valeria smiled listening to her talk. For here was her baby sister, her stubborn, ruthless, independent sister, reduced to tears over a man. She pressed her cheek against Silvia's and cuddled her tightly.

"He's going to hate me so much,' Silvia was in hysterics. 'He'll never forgive me for this. What am I going to do? I can't live without him'.

Valeria shushed her until she calmed slightly. "He's not going to hate you. He might be hurt at first, but he will see that you did this for him. He won't leave you'. Valeria didn't know if this was true, but from what she knew of Rodolfo he was fair and loved Silvia, so she prayed he would overlook her transgression. Silvia nodded and slowly got her emotions under control. She wiped her eyes and focused on her daughter.

"How can you love someone so much you just met?'

Valeria shrugged. "You bought her into the world. Of course you love her. The bond between a mother and her child is a mystery."

"I really am sorry"

"Don't ever be sorry for keeping your child. It would be selfish of me to insist you hand her over. I will be fine, and my family will be fine. I'm just sorry I couldn't help you out in the end.

"But you can still help me. Rodolfo has to finish his schooling and I'll need help here. You could move in with me for a while. Bring the boys with you and teach me how to be a mother. You're the best one I know."

Valeria nodded, and said she would go make arrangements with her husband. She took Arianna and rocked her for a long time, sad for herself but overjoyed for her sister.

When Valeria had left Silvia ordered a warm bath made up. She undressed Arianna and took her into the bath, wincing as the water stung her. She breathed as the pain subsided, and lay back with Arianna on her chest. She closed her eyes and let the bath wash off the remains of childbirth. Arianna made small noises on her chest, but didn't stir, content in her mothers embrace. They lay together for a while, and when Arianna started complaining Silvia got her out. She dressed her in one of the little gowns Valeria had bought with her, making a mental note to order some to be made. She wrapped her in a blanket and went to sit in the chair by the window. She gazed out over the water, both dreading and eager for Rodolfos return.

Susanna bought her some lunch and told her that Rodolfo had got her message and was due in the city early evening. Silvia thanked her and dismissed her, wanting to be alone. She ate her lunch and passed the afternoon nursing and rocking Arianna, her feeling of dread increasing as the hours passed by. Just before 5 o'clock, Susanna put her head around the door.

'Your Grace, he's here'. She nodded, her stomach in knots. She made sure Arianna was out of sight and checked her reflection. Her gown hid her body perfectly, and it wouldn't be an immediate give away. She took a deep breath as a soft knock came at the door. 'Silvia?'

Susanna let Rodolfo into the room and Silvia greeted him with a warm hug and a kiss. He returned the embrace affectionately. He stood back and looked at her concerned. 'I got your message. What's the problem? Are you sick?' Silvia shook her head. 'There's something I have to show you', she said. She took his hand and led him over to the bed. 'It's a surprise. Wait here. Don't look'.

He sat down, confused, and closed his eyes. Silvia kissed his head.

'No peeking' she said. She stood up and walked over to where Arianna lay behind the screen. Hoping that she wouldn't wake, she picked the baby up and walked back to the bed. 'Hold out your arms' she said, and he did what he was told. Silvia gently folded his arms around her tiny body, and sat down next to him.

'Open' she whispered, bracing herself for his reaction. He stared at the baby in his arms, then turned to stare at Silvia, puzzled.

'Say hello to your daughter'. He cocked his head. "It's our baby,' she continued. Understanding flashed across his face and he returned his gaze to the infant. Without saying anything he traced the outline of her face with his fingers and she opened her eyes to look at him.

'Whats her name?'

'Arianna', and she saw the small smile form on his lips. He had been close to his mother, who had passed four years previously from the plague, and it seemed fitting to honour her with what would have been her first grandchild. He gazed into her violet eyes, and his expression was one of pure joy and love.

'Why didn't you tell me?' He never took his gaze from Ariannas.

'Because I was afraid keeping her would put her in danger. I thought of her being kidnapped, and being threatened with her death if I didn't sign that damn treaty. I wanted to protect her from that, so I had arranged for my sister to raise her.' Her voice quivered and she saw the emotions flash across his face. Betrayal and anger, but mostly hurt. He didn't say anything, so she started speaking anxiously to fill the silence.

'When I saw her lying in her lying in her crib last night I had an urge to pick her up. Looking at her got me thinking of when I went to visit you and she was conceived. She's a part of you and I love you so much. I know I should have told you and I'm sorry I didn't, but you're here now, and she's here, so there's nothing stopping us from keeping her and raising her as a family.' She continued rambling, afraid that if she stopped he would break off their relationship.

He held up his hand, signaling her to stop. His soft voice was calm and even 'I don't like it, but I can appreciate the reasons behind it.' He cooed at the child in his arms, giving her a soft kiss on the head. "She's beautiful. Is she really ours to keep?' Silvia nodded. "I'll help raise her on one condition'.

'What is it?'' she whispered.

He looked at her with his deep black eyes and gave a confident but cheeky grin. 'Marry me'. Her face lit up and she fell beside him, taking his face in her hands. 'Of course I will' and she gave him a deep kiss. He returned it, and they broke apart as Arianna began to stir. Silvia undid her robe, took Arianna out of his arms and offered her her breast. She latched on and began to feed contentedly. Rodolfo sat behind her and she leaned into him, and he stoked her hair stroked as she nursed.

'Did it hurt?' He asked quietly, and Silvia shook her head. 'It wasn't too bad' she said honestly, and he gripped her tighter. While the infant suckled Rodolfo trailed his hands down her body, coming to rest on her still round tummy, soft from pregnacy. 'I would have loved to have seen you carrying our baby' he whispered, and Silvias eyes misted over. He didn't say anything else, just absent-mindedly rubbed her tummy. When Arianna had finished nursing, her father gently changed her nappy, and held her in his arms, talking to her until she fell asleep. He lay her gently in her makeshift cradle, promising her that he would get her a proper one the following day. He moved the cradle next to the bed and sat down, leaning back against the pillows. He held out his arm and Silvia lay down with him, her head on his chest. He stroked her arm as she breathed in his scent. For a long time they didn't say anything, just took comfort in each other's presence while they listened to their daughter sleeping. The night grew dark and Silvia felt herself drifting off to sleep.

'I'll arrange to have all my stuff shipped back'. Rodolfos voice broke the silence of the room.

Silvia sat up and stared at him. 'What do you mean? You have to return and finish your studies. It's what you dreamed of doing.'

'How can I go back now, and leave you two behind? I've already missed so much and I don't want to miss any more. And how will you cope in your own, with everything else you have to do?'

Silvia smiled at his young, beautiful face. 'You worry too much. I'll be fine. My sister is moving in for a while to help out, and I have an entire staff at my disposal if I need assistance. You must return to the university. You only have a few weeks left and I won't let you give up your education now.'

He hesitated and open his mouth to argue, but she put a finger on his lips. 'It's only for six weeks. Then we can all spend a lifetime together'. She kissed him and he gave into her. 'Okay, as long as you don't have another baby while I'm away' he teased, and Silvia giggled. 'I wont. I promise. Next time you'll be there every step of the way.'

'I'll hold you to that,' he replied. He lay her down and pulled the covers over her. 'Now, how about I take Arianna for a bit, and you can have some rest.' She smiled at him gratefully. Through heavy eyelids she watched him gather up their daughter. 'How about you send a message to your brothers? Let them know before we ring the bells' and he nodded. 'As you wish, Your Grace' he grinned cheekily, and he left the room. Silvia listened as his footsteps faded, then fell into a deep sleep.

She woke a few hours later to Rodolfo gently shaking her. The sun told her it was early morning.

'I'm so sorry to wake you. But Arianna is hungry' she sat up and stretched, and allowed Rodolfo to undress her and place Arianna on her breast. He told her that his brothers had received the message and were waiting in a reception hall to see her once Silvia was ready.

When Arianna had fed and was changed, Silvia got up to change her clothes. She was going to go for a state dress, but Rodolfo stopped her. 'You don't need to dress up. You just had a baby. Wear what makes you comfortable.' She hesitated but eventually nodded, and went for a plain cotton gown, and kept her hair loose. She decided against make-up and Rodolfo took in her raw beauty, giving her a swift kiss before she signalled to Susanna to let their visitors in.

Egidio and Fiorentino entered the room, looking a bit sheepish. Everyone was aware that the last time they had been in this room was when they had been her lovers, and she avoided eye contact. Rodolfo squeezed her hand and and gave her an affectiate kiss, unashamed of their relationship, and she took strength from him. She stood up and carried Arianna over to them, and their expressions changed from sheepish to excitement. They cooed over her and remarked how cute she was, and she offered them a cuddle. Egidio took her first, and she looked even smaller against his bulk. He held her silently for a few minutes, then passed her to his brother, who was no less eager to hold her. 'What's her name?' Fiorentino asked. 'Arianna' Silvia replied. After a few minutes, he handed the baby back and Silvia went to sit with Rodolfo, who took her on his lap. His arms around them he told his brothers they were getting married, and they congratulated them, welcoming Silvia to the family. The tension in the room gone, they stayed for the morning, talking and laughing with their little brother and taking turns holding their niece. Silvia occasionally joined in the conversation but for the most part stayed silent, watching the scene before her. Her daughter had been in the world for less than two days but was already surrounded by so much love. It bought tears to her eyes. Her parents came to visit too, and they rang the bells letting the city know of the birth.

Rodolfo stayed for two weeks before he said he must return to university. Tears blinded her as the boat pulled away; saying goodbye after his visits had never been easy, but now he was leaving behind his child as well. She waved and took comfort in the fact that in a few weeks he would be returning for good.

True to her word, Valeria moved her young sons into the palace temporarily. She assisted Silvia in Ariannas care, and, when Silvia refused a wet nurse for night time feeds ('I am her mother. I will feed her'), sat up during the night, keeping her company, helping her correct Ariannas latch and improve their nursing. Valeria looked at them with content, sad for herself but filled with joy that her little sister was enjoying her new role as mother. When Rodolfo returned for good, Silvia and Arianna were on the pier waiting for him. He ran up to them, embraced Silvia and gave her a kiss, then took Arianna into his arms. As he held her against his chest and kissed her head, Silvia knew she'd made the right choice, and that from now on they would be inseparable.

The got married the following May, after the Marriage with the Sea, and, with their families and infant daughter looking on, they said their vows from the balcony in front of the entire city. As Silvia listened to the wild cheers she gazed into the eyes of her new husband, and smiled, for she had never wanted this life, the family life, until she met him.

They conceived again on their wedding night. This time Silvia didn't try and hide it, but burst into their room as soon as she got the news. 'I'm pregnant' she squeeled, and fell into his open arms. He comforted her through her sickness, took pride in her growing belly, and would talk to their growing child each night. The child would respond to his voice, kicking and rolling when he was around. It made Silvia laugh, for even in her womb their children loved him dearly, as did she. When she went into labour the following February, he sat with her and refused to leave the room, holding onto her hand as their second daughter came into the world. He held her straight away, not waiting for her to be cleaned up, and told her her name. 'Isabella, after your beautiful mother'. Silvia grinned as he passed their daughter to her, and she felt a brief pang of regret that Ariannas birth wasn't like this. It would take a long time for her to forgive herself for it.

Years passed and their daughters grew up. Rodolfo refused a maid for them, and instead assumed responsibility for all their needs himself. While Silvia worked the long hours necessary as Duchessa, he would spend hours each day playing with their girls, and in later years choose to provide their education rather than sending them to school. He taught them how to walk, comforted them when they were scared. He taught them their letters, and the three do them would spend hours making fireworks together. In the evenings, Silvia would play with her children and tell them stories, brush their hair and tuck them into bed. She would sit and watch them sleeping, her heart bursting with love, for they filled a hole in her she didn't know she had.

The threats came, confirming Silvias fears, but instead of running from them she let Rodolfo guide her through them. The girls were always guarded and Rodolfo never let them out of his sight, so no kidnapper or assassin had a chance of getting close to them. They were spoilt by their aunts and uncle and grandparents, and grew up into a fierce and stubborn, but kind and loving, young women.

After Silvia escaped the final attempt on her life and decided to step down for good, Arianna proudly said she would run for election and take her mothers place. With her father by her side as her Regent there was no contest for the role, and together they became a formidable team.

When Rodolfo gave up the Regency and they retired to the country to live out their days, Isabella choosing to leave the city and come with them, Silvia thought back to the night Arianna was born, and smiled at the sneak peek at her daughter that changed the course of her life. She had no regrets.


End file.
